How well do you do with forgiveness? Are you easily able to forgive others? Are you easily able to accept forgiveness when offered? And maybe most importantly, are you able to forgive yourself?
This is the second part of a three part series that I am writing on Forgiveness.
According to the Merriam-Webster dictionary:
Forgive
To give up resentment of or claim to requital for <forgive an insult>
To grant relief from payment of <forgive a debt>
To cease to feel resentment against (an offender)
Asking for Forgiveness
Have you ever had an argument (fight) with your spouse or significant other, then afterwards, once things have calmed down, you both acted as if nothing had happened? Or maybe you punish your child because you think they did something wrong only later to find out they didn’t? Or maybe you made a mistake at work and after being reprimanded, grumbled under your breath how unfair the boss is?
If you are like a lot of people I have known, then you just move on and either forget the situation or feel resentment for what has happened. In the second and third examples, you were obviously in the wrong. In the first, is it you in the wrong or your partner.
I have read many articles that say forgiveness should be asked for before it is given to a person and that we should forgive them in our hearts and to God even if we don’t forgive them in person. But my questions is, if you are in the wrong, shouldn’t you apologize to the other person and ask them to forgive you?
Maybe we should also understand what asking for forgiveness means. It is not something to do to get past a bad situation. Nor is it something you should do to make the other person feel better. When you are truly sorry and ask forgiveness, you also need to repent for what you have done. What that means is that not only what you did was wrong and that you are sorry that you did it, but that you will try your best not to do it again.
Asking for and accepting forgiveness is as important as forgiving someone that has done you wrong. By apologizing and asking for forgiveness, you are saying that what you did was wrong, that you are accepting responsibility for your actions.
By accepting their forgiveness you should be saying that you want to change (or at least not repeat the wrong) to keep from hurting that person again. It also means you are accepting responsibility for your actons.
We are taught by Jesus to pray the following:
Forgive me my trespasses as I forgive those who trespass against me
Jesus is teaching us to ask for forgiveness as much as he is teaching us to forgive. If you can ask God to forgive you for the things you have done wrong, why can’t you ask the person you have wronged to forgive you. We are also taught to repent for the wrongs we have done. Ezekiel 18:30 says “repent and turn from all your transgressions lest iniquity be your ruin”
When we are in the wrong, we need to repent for what we have done wrong and ask forgiveness for what we have done wrong. We also need to do our best not to cause the same hurt again.
What forgiveness is not:
Forgiveness is not saying that things are okay now, and then going back into an abusive situation.
Forgiveness is not letting someone off the hook by saying, “You didn’t do anything wrong.”
Forgiveness is not unconditional love with no boundaries or accountability.
Forgiveness is not denial that a hurtful situation exists, and it isn’t denying the fact that your feelings are hurt.
Forgiveness does not mean you accept the person’s behavior.
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