This is the second part of a three part series that I am writing on Forgiveness.

According to the Merriam-Webster dictionary:

Forgive

To give up resentment of or claim to requital for <forgive an insult>

To grant relief from payment of <forgive a debt>

To cease to feel resentment against (an offender)

Asking for Forgiveness

Have you ever had an argument (fight) with your spouse or significant other, then afterwards, once things have calmed down, you both acted as if nothing had happened?  Or maybe you punish your child because you think they did something wrong only later to find out they didn’t?  Or maybe you made a mistake at work and after being reprimanded, grumbled under your breath how unfair the boss is?

If you are like a lot of people I have known, then you just move on and either forget the situation or feel resentment for what has happened.  In the second and third examples, you were obviously in the wrong.  In the first, is it you in the wrong or your partner.

I have read many articles that say forgiveness should be asked for before it is given to a person and that we should forgive them in our hearts and to God even if we don’t forgive them in person.  But my questions is, if you are in the wrong, shouldn’t you apologize to the other person and ask them to forgive you? 

Maybe we should also understand what asking for forgiveness means.  It is not something to do to get past a bad situation.  Nor is it something you should do to make the other person feel better.  When you are truly sorry and ask forgiveness, you also need to repent for what you have done.  What that means is that not only what you did was wrong and that you are sorry that you did it, but that you will try your best not to do it again.

Asking for and accepting forgiveness is as important as forgiving someone that has done you wrong.  By apologizing and asking for forgiveness, you are saying that what you did was wrong, that you are accepting responsibility for your actions.

By accepting their forgiveness you should be saying that you want to change (or at least not repeat the wrong) to keep from hurting that person again.  It also means you are accepting responsibility for your actons.

We are taught by Jesus to pray the following:

Forgive me my trespasses as I forgive those who trespass against me

Jesus is teaching us to ask for forgiveness as much as he is teaching us to forgive.  If you can ask God to forgive you for the things you have done wrong, why can’t you ask the person you have wronged to forgive you.  We are also taught to repent for the wrongs we have done.  Ezekiel 18:30 says “repent and turn from all your transgressions lest iniquity be your ruin”

When we are in the wrong, we need to repent for what we have done wrong and ask forgiveness for what we have done wrong.  We also need to do our best not to cause the same hurt again.

What forgiveness is not:

Forgiveness is not saying that things are okay now, and then going back into an abusive situation.

Forgiveness is not letting someone off the hook by saying, “You didn’t do anything wrong.”

Forgiveness is not unconditional love with no boundaries or accountability.

Forgiveness is not denial that a hurtful situation exists, and it isn’t denying the fact that your feelings are hurt.

Forgiveness does not mean you accept the person’s behavior.

This is the first part of a three part series that I am writing on Forgiveness.

According to the Merriam-Webster dictionary:

Forgive

To give up resentment of or claim to requital for <forgive an insult>

To grant relief from payment of <forgive a debt>

To cease to feel resentment against (an offender)

Giving Forgiveness……….

None of these is as easy as they sound for many of us.  Yes, we might say I forgive people for the wrongs they do to me.  But do you really do it?  What are the first things that pop into your mind when you think about this?  Forgiving your spouse for the argument the two of you had?  Forgiving your children when they do something wrong?    Forgiving your co-worker for taking credit for something you did the work on?  I am sure I could list many other things that happen in our lives which are obvious just as I am sure you could, also. 

But what about the things that are not so obvious.  How about the driver of the car that cuts you off while they are talking on the cell phone.  Maybe the person behind you on the freeway/expressway that rides your bumper because they want to go 80mph instead of the speed limit which you are doing.  Or the person in the restaurant who just can’t seem to put their phone down and talks loud enough that you can hear every bit of the discussion.  Or do you get upset and think and say what a jerk that person is because they are being rude and inconsiderate.  And maybe they are.  But don’t they deserve your forgiveness also?

Maybe these are just minor examples of things in our day to day lives and you might say Why Should I Forgive Them For Being Inconsiderate. 

There are more major examples too.  I have seen many times in the news where a drunk driver hit another car and severely injured or killed someone.  The family of the person injured or killed then stands up in court and makes a statement that includes forgiving the person.  I cannot think of a more difficult thing to do.  The anger and the hurt of something of this degree in unimaginable to many of us.  Yet these people manage to get past the anger and forgive the person for what they have done.

Maybe you are one of those that think forgiveness has to be earned.  If you think that, I wonder if you do not understand what forgiveness is.  If you are one of these, I would say to you that trust has to be earned, but forgiveness is something you give freely.

We are taught by Jesus that we are to forgive those who trespass against us.  In the Sermon on the Mount, Jesus says:

 For if you forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father also will forgive you; but if you do not forgive men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.

As I have looked back over my life, I see many instances where I held grudges in anger and refused to forgive a person for the wrong they have done me or others.  It took me many years to realize that I need to forgive them no matter how they trespassed against me.  As I write this, I think back to two examples of people it took me a very long time to forgive.  The first is the man who murdered my brother.  I was angry and hurt for a very long time.  It devastated my mother.  Years later, I called the prison system to see what had happened to him and found that he had died in prison of aids.  It was not easy to forgive him, but in the end I did.  The second is my mother’s business partner.  My mother had a brain tumor which finally was bad enough she could no longer work.  The two of them had been close friends for many, many years.  When she got to the point she could no longer participate in the business, he not only had nothing to do with her anymore, he also did not share any profits from the business with her.  He literally put her out of his life.  Again, it took many years for me to forgive him for the hurt he caused my mother by doing this, but I did.  That doesn’t mean it was easy.

Today, I still get upset when someone on a cell phone cuts me off on the highway, or almost hits me.  And the person riding my bumper because I am not going fast enough for them and they can’t get around me, makes me angry knowing that there is no reason for it.  Then I stop and think. And I forgive them.

What do you do?

What forgiveness is not:

Forgiveness is not saying that things are okay now, and then going back into an abusive situation.

Forgiveness is not letting someone off the hook by saying, “You didn’t do anything wrong.”

Forgiveness is not unconditional love with no boundaries or accountability.

Forgiveness is not denial that a hurtful situation exists, and it isn’t denying the fact that your feelings are hurt.

Forgiveness does not mean you accept the person’s behavior.

1 MINUTE

Telephones were designed to ring ten times per minute.  That odd little fact has made me think about a lot of things in a different way.

When my parents were still alive and residing in an apartment in Michigan, I would call them often.  Even though the apartment was small by my standards, it could take more than a minute to answer the phone as they had many physical problems prohibiting fast movement.  I often had to let the phone ring 15 or more times before they would answer.

They wouldn’t have those “new fangled” answering machines and in their words, “who needs more than one phone?” so I just had to be patient.  That was okay because I loved them and what was a minute of my time worth if it meant getting through to them?

Now I am crippled and have a phone in every room and I still have to have an answering machine because all too often the phone will ring 2 or 3 times and the person will have already hung up.  I guess time really is money and I’m a waste of both.  I have to check the caller ID after I stumbled in much pain to get to a phone that’s done ringing, if I care to know who called.  The answering machine picks up the call after the 4^th ring but in these fast paced times that is too long to wait.

It’s true that way too many businesses and charities abuse your  good nature by calling your private number and enter your house unwanted to sell a product you don’t want or ask you to  give to a cause you never heard of before.  They hang up the instant they hear an answering machine.  The odd part is that I have no qualms about giving the little money I have to a good cause but they won’t give a full minute of their time to talk with me and to them I say, “Good day!”

We have become a society of neurotic, fidgety fools that have to bring the almighty cell phone everywhere; even church.  When a call comes in I see people jump and say, “I have to take this call”.  Of course the caller didn’t have to wait more than a full ring because the phone was dangling on the receivers’ belt or worse; they were wearing those obnoxious Blue Tooth devices and didn’t have to waste more than a nano second; even in church.

When I think of how long an actual minute is, I stop and think of Revelation 3:20; “Behold, I stand at the door, and knock: if any man hear my voice, and open the door, I will come in to him, and will sup with him, and he with me.”  In these days, Jesus better call first and He better be fast about it.  Of course, I’m positive Jesus would give me more than a minute to answer His call.

No matter how fast broadband technology is, a minute is not too long to allow a loved one to cross the room and pick up the phone.  Technology can’t tell what is going on at the receivers’ environment.  Any less time tells the receiver of your call that they aren’t important enough for you and you have better things to do with your time.

When Jesus calls (and He will) will you answer, or will you leave the room because another call is coming in on your almighty cell phone and you just have to show that caller how fast you are at answering.  The Lord will surely give you more than a minute of His time but don’t trust the “machine” to take His call.

They say that a minute in the Lord’s day is days or more of our time.  I know that to be true because it took most of my life to answer His call but He never “hung up” on me and I am truly so overwhelmed I cry when I think about how much I would have lost if He hadn’t waited a full minute. 

I’m slow at answering any call but Jesus loves me enough to wait one minute.  Give someone you love one minute and leave the cell phone at the door.  At times nothing seems as far away as one minute ago.  However, an unhurried sense of time is in itself a form of wealth especially when spent with love.

This axiom also holds true in our service to the Lord.  In Paul’s first letter to the Corinthians he states that he does not come with words, but with a demonstration of the Spirit and power so that their faith won’t rest in the wisdom of man, but in the power of God.  What Paul is showing us here is that we need to show by our actions the power of the Lord.

Now the question is, how can we demonstrate the power of Christ.  We do this through caring and giving to others, using the gifts that God has given us.  These gifts can take many forms.  For some, helping care for the elderly by doing things for them they have difficulty doing is one way (maybe by helping take care of their yard, doing small repairs around their home or assisting them with meals).  For others, it could be helping out people in the community.  My father, for example, goes out once a week and builds ramps for the handicapped at their homes.  Yet others might be gifted with working with people who are struggling with problems in their life and helping them in overcoming those problems. 

I know of one group that serves a breakfast ministry.  They go to another church and cook and serve breakfast for the poor.  Another gift is one of giving comfort to those in need. 

These are all ways in which we can demonstrate the Love and the power of God.

But what about the words?  Does this mean we should not proclaim the word of the Lord.  Absolutely not.  For Mark 16:15 says: He said to them, “Go into all the world and preach the good news to all creation.

But how many times do you hear people who proclaim the Lord’s word but don’t follow what they say.  For example, they say how they would help people in need, yet when a friend or family member is going through a difficult illness, they always have a reason they can’t help, they can never find the time, maybe, to help get the person to and from doctor appointments.  Or maybe a friend or family member is struggling with some emotional difficulties and needs encouragement, yet they don’t even pick up a phone to offer encouragement.

These are just a couple of examples where an individual says one thing and does another. Or to put it another way, their words are louder than their actions.

We show by our actions our true beliefs.  We are to show the power of the Lord through our actions.  Even Jesus shows this throughout the Gospels.  Here is just one example from Matthew 8:

 ¹When he came down from the mountainside, large crowds followed him. ²A man with leprosy came and knelt before him and said, “Lord, if you are willing, you can make me clean.”   ³Jesus reached out his hand and touched the man. “I am willing,” he said. “Be clean!” Immediately he was cured of his leprosy. ⁴Then Jesus said to him, “See that you don’t tell anyone. But go, show yourself to the priest and offer the gift Moses commanded, as a testimony to them.”

Remember: Actions do speak louder than words.

I have never quite followed that logic to be honest.  So this morning, I decided to do some research (I am far from a theologian, by the way) and I probably need to take my study of this to a higher level.  However, in reading the Sermon on the Mount, Jesus, in effect commands us to good works (at least that is how I read it).  In Matthew 5:16, Jesus commands us  “Let your light shine before men, that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father which is in Heaven”.   

Now I take this to mean that although we are saved by grace, that we still must do works which glorify God.  And while we should not pridefully (Mark 7:22)  boast of the good works we do, we should let our light shine to set an example for others in a manner that glorifies our Father in Heaven.

So by this, I understand that we are saved by the grace of God, and therefore are required to go out and do works that glorify God.  No, we are not saved by works, but that does not mean we are not required to do them.

Monday, I was struggling with paying my end of month bills.  Like many others right now, I am struggling financially.  I suffer from depression and this struggle started to send me into a fairly deep episode of depression.  In times past, I would isolate myself from the world and wish that I could just give up.  After struggling through much of the day, I finally picked up my Bible and went to my room and closed the door.  Now lately I have been doing devotional readings from the “Book of Common Prayer”.  I proceeded to read the devotions for the day, but with the way I was feeling just then, I didn’t really comprehend what I was reading.  I then stopped and thought to myself”

What am I doing, I don’t understand what these readings mean.  I need the Lord’s help, but I just don’t understand. 

As I was sitting there, I started praying to the Lord to help me understand.  After I prayed, I picked my Bible back up and flipped to the index and looked up the word trust.  The first passage listed in the index was for Psalm 37:03  “Trust in the Lord and do good”.  I then went and read the Psalm.  I sat there for a bit after my reading and thought about what the Psalm was saying.  I went back and reread it, and realized that I was not putting my complete trust in the Lord. 

Here, God was speaking to me.  All I needed to do was listen. 

Psalm 37 speaks to us about what we need to do and what God will give us if we do these things.

·         Trust in the Lord and do good – we will dwell in the land and enjoy security

·         Take delight in the Lord – He will give you the desires of you heart

·         Commit your way to the Lord and trust in Him – He will act

Now I know the Psalm is about more than this, that it is an answer to evil prospering and how God will deal with the wicked and the righteous.

What I was being told at this particular time however, was that I needed to put my COMPLETE trust in the Lord and that he would provide for me.  After reading Psalm 37, I got down on my knees and prayed to God again.  I told him that I was putting all my trust in Him and that I my life was completely in His hands.  I proceeded to place all my trust in Him.  Now this is not to say that I should not do what is necessary to continue working to solve my problems, but that I trust the Lord to provide for my needs. 

After this, I left my room and went back to work and my family.  A half hour later, I received a phone call from a company that owed me money that I had not expected to see, saying that I would have a check by Wednesday.  On Tuesday, I found a new supplier for my e-commerce store for product I had been searching for for several months and could not find.  By last night, I had been approved by this supplier for and e-commerce account and the sales rep called and asked what I needed to get the product in my store.  It is now Thursday, and no, I have not yet received that check, but the worry about it has been lifted from me.  I know that what I need to make it through will be provided to me and that what God wants from me is to continue the work he has called me to do.

I promised God on Monday that I would put my trust and my life in Him.  He has answered my prayer and I believe He will continue to do so as long as I do as He has commanded me, to trust in Him, take delight in Him  and commit my life to Him.

Now, I don’t know about anyone else, but I used to ask that same question.  My answer to my friend was this “I keep praying, I do my best to live my life the way Jesus teaches us, and I wait, and keep working on it myself if I can.”

Now, as it turns out, I had been thinking along similar lines that particular morning.  I was driving to church and was reviewing my week in mind.  I am struggling with some financial problems and I was worried about what I was going to do about them.  I pray to the Lord every day about these problems.  After church, on the drive home I came to the conclusion (again) that God would either help me with my problem or he wouldn’t and that there wasn’t much I could do in the next few hours, or even the next few days that I could do about them.  I then realized (again) that I just had to put my faith and trust in God and that what he wanted to happen, would.  This didn’t mean to me that I should just quit striving to resolve my problems, but that I should keep working on them and that with Him, I would get to where He wanted me to be.  That is the faith that we must place in God.

I then told my friend that God talks to us all the time, but we just need to listen.  Again, on the way to church that morning, while struggling with these problems, I was fairly well into depression (which I suffer from).  Then out of nowhere, a song started playing on the radio that said to me that I needed to keep on going and not look back at what has happened but to look forward to what will happen.  I listened.  It was God’s way of telling me to stay on track, that He is watching, that He does Love me and that He will take care of me.

I pointed out to my friend that God’s Love is everywhere and that you just need to open your eyes to see it.  I, too, was skeptical when I was told this, and didn’t really believe at the time.  But since then, I have found it to be very true and that if you put your trust in Christ, you will be able to see it.

I was then asked how one puts trust in Christ to which I said that I didn’t know that I had an easy answer for that question.  What I did say was that I believed the first part came down to FAITH.  I referred my friend to the hymn “Just As I Am”.  I may interpret the song differently than others, but to me it is saying to put your faith in Christ and that he will receive you in welcome, pardon you of your sins and cleanse your heart and mind.  That it is all about putting your faith in Christ, and knowing that he loved us so much he died for us and coming to him and giving yourself to him completely.

I then told them that it isn’t easy to do.  I know that I have stumbled a few (many?) times but I know, that no matter how many times I do stumble, He is there for me.

They told me they understood what I was saying but that they just didn’t feel it.  I had to pause for a minute, trying to explain.  What I told them was that a lot of it boils down to pure faith. We all have faith in something, even if it is just that the planet will circle the sun for another year and the tough thing about faith in God, is that it is faith in something you can’t immediately see, touch, hear, or feel. But that once you put your complete faith in Him, that He touches you and you can feel his Love.

Towards the end of this, I pointed out again that God does answer out prayers, but that we need to listen for His answer.  That His answer isn’t always obvious, but He does answer us. But that we have to listen for Him to speak to us.  Sometimes that can be through a song, as it was for me that Sunday morning, or it can be something as simple as Him sending us a friend to help us through rough times.

Or, as I believe this was, sending me to someone who needed help.  You see, with all of this, I saw answers of my own that I had been praying for.  We just need to open our eyes and ears and put our faith in God.

About 5  years ago, my life was at point where I had lost my friends, my family and my hours at my job had been cut to the point I could barely support myself and  I suffered from constant depression. 

While I was trying to figure out why my life was such a mess and why, I started playing a CD (Randy Travis Inspirational Journey) that my wife had given me a couple of years before that I had never really listened to.  While listening to this music, I realized that what had been missing in my life was the presence of the Lord.  I then started to listen to the ministries on the local Christian radio station as I was traveling to and from work.  I also started praying to the Lord and asking him to help me change my life.   I turned back to prayer and to trying to live a life that was pleasing to God.  During this time, a couple of final incidents happened and I tried to turn to the minister of the church I was at that time going to.  Because of things I had done, the minister, instead of helping and trying to guide me through this difficult time, made it clear, by his attitude that I was not welcome.  Shortly thereafter, because of the same things, I was unable to go to church or be able to find the spiritual help I needed.

When I was finally able to go back to chuch, I found a church where I was welcomed in spite of my past sins.  I laid my life out to the pastor and he welcomed me into the church in spite of my past and let me know that God forgives all sin.  At this same church, I met two people,Phil and Mary, who have since become dear friends and were also very supportive of my struggle in cominb back to God.  I started spending more time in prayer and working on changing my life.  About 2 1/2 years ago, I moved back to the town I grew up in and started reconciling with my children.  My father, who had been very supportive, had a heart attack and had to have triple bypass surgery.  I spent time helping him and continued on changing my life.  During this time, I had lapses in which I quit praying and did not attend church or kept in contact with the same two people who had welcomed me with such open arms.

Finally about two years ago, with minimal income and no prospects for work, I had begun spending more time in prayer and found a church where I truly felt the Love of God and Jesus.

In August of 2008, for a reason unknown to me at the time, I felt that I needed to call Phil and Mary.  When I phoned them, they said they had been thinking about me and wondering if I could help the get a website up and running to publish a newsletter on the web which Phil had been writing for couple of years and had been emailing out to people.  I told them I would love to help them.  I didn’t at the time realize this was God working in my life.  I wrote the website for The Independent Evangelist.  Shortly after this, the income I had started to become unreliable.  I knew I needed to do something, but was unable to find a job and again started had to face my depression and fears.  I prayed every day about what I should do and for God’s help.  I kept looking for work, searching the web and job postings.  One day I saw an advertisement about starting a web store and how to make money quickly.  Like many others, I thought that this would be the answer for me, but I kept getting this feeling that although I was on the right path, this was not my answer.  I continued looking into e-commerce and found a company (Worldwide Brands) that was able to answer my questions and put me in the right direction.

Using the information and tools they provided, I started looking for products to sell and found that no matter what I looked at, something inside of me kept telling me I needed to serve the Christian community.  After much prayer and searching, I started contacting suppliers and in December, 2008, I finally opened my store Christian Gifts & Jewelry.  During this time, I felt that just serving the Christian community through my store was not enough and that God wanted more from me.  One promise I made at this time was to tithe my profits to God.  Not long ago, while speaking to Phil about his website, I, again, felt that I had not done as much for him and his site as I should be, but that I needed to rewrite the site and help draw more people to his newsletter and help spread God’s word even more.

As I move on, I feel God asking me to do even more things that I find difficult for me to do, such as this blog.  I didn’t know what to write about but the feeling that I had to write something with special meaning.  I prayed for God to give me the words to write and what he asked of me was to begin with my testimony of the path I took to get where I am today.  I do not yet know what form my blogs will take in the future, but I do know that I will be praying to God every day for the words that He wants write.  I hope that others will find inspiration in the words that I have been given.

God Bless